i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
