I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
