He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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