the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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