I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
