She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I queefed so loud it echoed.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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