So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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