I cockslap morals
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
