Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
When are your genitals available?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
