Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
