I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
