Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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