You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
