i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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