so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
