i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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