I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
