i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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