i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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