:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
