we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
