He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
