a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
