a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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