Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize