Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
