You can't special order awesome
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
