I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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