They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
