would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
