We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i will never coherently bang her
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
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