Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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