i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
