1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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