Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
