she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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