The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
