we're chasing vodka with high fives
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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