Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize