i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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