it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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