I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
