just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
