I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
