Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
