You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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