True but thats because hes a fetus.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
