My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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