Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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