who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
