i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Randomize
