so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
