Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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