Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
