whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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