Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Randomize
