He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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