Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
