so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize