i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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