new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
