So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
