I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
