i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
