Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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