Midget sex pt 2 tonight
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize