Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
