What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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